It's been a hot minute

So the end of 2017 and all of 2018 didn’t go AT ALL like I expected it to. I didn't have many expectations to be honest, but no matter what they were, that wasn’t it! Life took me, involuntarily, on a rollercoaster ride. I don’t know how to describe this last year at all. It’s been a beautiful mess. I’m only starting to see the beauty now, before I’ve just seen the big mess and the pain. Now as the pain is ending, I recognise the pain as a good thing, but I wouldn’t re-live it if you paid me ten million euro.

I’ve renamed my blog to Stranded In Wexford. I didn’t use to be stranded here. I used to travel a lot and at least go to Norway and see my family, but I haven’t seen them in a year. A year!! And therefore I have accepted my fate and realised I’m actually stranded here. Currently with no travel plans or even a car or drivers license. Proper stranded, in the Irish country side.

My blog used to be called emilyeyra and you can read old posts about my travels. I love travelling and being a little stuck here is freaking me out, but I’m making the best of it. You can consider this blog a cry for help. Just kidding. It’s the complete opposite.

After what’s been the hardest year of my entire adult life I’m ready to start writing and blogging again. It’s been a hot minute. A lot has happened. I have struggled a lot, I’m not going to lie. I’m just starting to feel like myself again which is so nice. I mean, I’m starting to enjoy things I always used to enjoy again. I’ve come out on the other side, from the big mess. I’ve felt like an empty shell, but I’m starting to fill back up. I’m completely different. My whole world view has been shook and shifted and therefor my attitude has changed and I’m just different. Enjoying writing, music, my job and so on was something that I lost in the big, big mess. Finding joy in them again and seeing beauty is like seeing an old favourite and a very nurturing friend. It’s grounding and for so long I didn’t find joy in anything. Anything at all. Things I used to love and things that interested me felt and looked grey and uninteresting. To see myself come out on the other side and enjoying things again feels like a huge relief. I feel so much more at peace knowing I’m not empty anymore. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever feel like myself again. It felt like so long. Each day felt like forever and a year felt like a life time. I’m sure, by now you can guess that I’m referring to a depression. It’s hard not to turn cold, bitter and cynical, but I won’t. After having been pushed around a little by life I have a strong desire to speak my truth again. Find my voice and even be a little mean and push back.

Basically starting with this. I haven’t seen my loser parents in a year. I reached out and told them I was struggling and needed help, but they didn’t help. I needed them and I needed someone. They have both completed college and are fully educated yet somehow can’t afford to come and stay with me for free. Yep, calling you suckers out. I hope you read this.

I’d like to end this blog post with an excerpt from the book I’m currently reading.

in Greek the word for ‘the beautiful’ is to kalon. It’s related to the word kalein which includes the notion of ‘call’. When we experience beauty, we feel called. The Beautiful stirs passion and urgency in us and calls us forth from aloneness into the warmth and wonder of an eternal embrace. It unites us again with the neglected and forgotten grandeur of life. The call of beauty is not a cold call into the dark or the unknown; in some instinctive way we know that beauty is no stranger. We respond with joy to the call of beauty because in an instant it can awaken under the layers of the heart a forgotten brightness. Plato said: ‘Beauty was ours in all its brightness . . . Whole were we who celebrated that festival’ (Phaedrus)
— John O'Donohue, Divine Beauty: The Invisible Embrace