Mental health

When it comes to my mental health it’s so easy for me to talk about it now as the storm is over. I’m very like that, I’ll retract and almost hide from the world and become really quiet while I feel the worst. I’ll stop expressing myself and I’ll become very insecure. It makes sense to start the blog again now as things feel better and fresher and I feel healthier. It makes me excited to write again and create. I think a lot of people react that way. Not having felt much drive or excitement for almost a full year I’m so happy to be reunited with that part of myself!! It’s one of my favourite parts of me and when it’s gone it feels like your bestie is on vacation and you’re not sure when she’s coming back. 


I think that’s one of the reasons why I’ve had so many weird encounters the past year is because I felt very lost and I didn’t feel like I stayed true to myself. Hence I’d find myself in situations I’d never normally be in and didn’t trust my better judgement. It’s like you’re a wide eyed child looking for comfort in anyone you can find and the people giving it to you can often be the wrong ones when you’re vulnerable. One of the weirdest things was that I lost my sense of humour. People falling always got to me, but I could see people falling and I just wouldn’t find it funny at all! Now I find it hilarious again, thank god!

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that when you feel desperate and sad and things couldn’t get worse and you think you’ll die, you don’t. Life goes on and at some point you receive a spark of energy and if you have some sense and want to get better you take advantage of that spark and start the process of picking yourself back up, taking care of yourself and cleaning up your act. The sparks might be rare, but the more you value them the more they will come and you’ll eventually feel inspired to kick your bad habits and start feeling normal and driven again. If anyone else has felt this way they’ll know exactly what I mean.


The great thing is that when you create a bit of a mess for yourself and you find your way through you always end up sitting with a whole new world view because you got into situations you never normally would and you develop a deeper, broader view of life and the world and a stronger backbone. You also receive the gift of seeing situations clearly afterwards and have the great realisation of “what the fuck did I get myself in to?” and how to avoid it in the future. I’ve also seen clearly what grounds me and what pushes me over the edge. That’s the gift you get when you’re no longer horribly depressed and feel like the world is ending, but when you’re unstable. Which is a great transition period until you’re finally stable and stronger than ever. I never thought I’d appreciate feeling unstable, but rather that than feeling like an empty shell every day.

During my depression I felt very alone with everything and only recently a friend told me about a website called 7 Cups. It’s a free website and you can have a free ‘listener’ you can talk to or write to for a while which feels amazing when you need to vent. Seriously, it’s been a life saver! I really wish I knew about it when I felt my worst. You can also pay for a licensed therapist to chat to there, but having a free option is amazing!

I love reading this book about Beauty. It’s all about poetry and the meaning of beauty in our lives. I figured I’d throw in another delicious excerpt from that book here:

The way we look at things has a huge influence on what we see. If a house has been closed up for a long time, a film of dust settles on the windows. Decayed residue gradually manages to seal out the light. When we go into such a place, we smell the dankness of sour and fetid air. The same thing can happen in the rooms of the mind. If one has become stuck in a certain narrow or predictable way of seeing, the outside light cannot bring colour into one’s life. Eventually the windows of the mind become blinded by an imperceptible film of dead thought and old feeling so the air within becomes stale, life lessens and the outside world loses its invitation and challenge. When no fresh light can come into the mind, the colour and beauty fades from life. There is an uncanny symmetry between the inner and the outer world. Each person is the sole inhabitant of their own inner world; no-one else can get in there to configure how things are seen. Each of us is responsible for how we see, and how we see determines what we see. Seeing is not merely a physical act: the heart of vision is shaped by the state of the soul. When the soul is alive to beauty, we begin to see life in a fresh and vital way. The old habits of seeing are broken. The coating of dead dust falls from the windows. Freed from their dead forms the elements of one’s life reveal new urgency and possibility.
— John O'Donohue, Divine Beauty: The invisible Embrace

Happy Winter solstice! I’m so excited for brighter days. I’d like to be taken right back to this summers day <3

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About my blog...

My ‘Soap Opera’ blog got some backlash. One person didn’t like that I called it ‘Wexford people’ describing them as mean which is actually understandable. People from Wexford are some of the loveliest I’ve met so it’s a bit of a misrepresentation to call it that. Having lived in cities and in country sides, people who live in the country side tend to be a lot more involved in other peoples lives. People who live in cities are too busy hustling. Obviously it’s not about Wexford people at all, I’ve met some of the loveliest people here. I’d like everyone who has opinions about that blog post to keep in mind that I’m not airing anyones personal laundry. It’s anonymous to protect them and the only people who knows who it’s about is me and them so unless they tell people it’s about them, no one can know. I’m going to be authentic and not hold back to consider peoples feelings like that because at the end of the day they don’t care one bit how I’ve been hurt. The blog is not for their eyes but for my own self expression so I’m not censoring myself for others comfort. I’m telling you snippets of things that’s happened to me and putting a humoristic spin on it by calling it a soap opera plot. It’s suppose to be funny and surprise you and I really enjoyed writing it.



Now, let me tell you. If you liked that blogpost you can buckle the fuck up because I have plenty of raw, authentic and true posts coming out. I have loads of more good stories to tell you about the people I’ve encountered lately and I also have a really good theory as to why they’ve happened. I’ll get to that later.



Here’s a brand new story about a guy down the street: My 15 year old neighbour went to the beach near by with her dogs and this guy (40-something years old) happened to be at the beach when she went down. One her dogs started barking at this him and his girlfriend and his girlfriend started throwing rocks at the dog to make it stop. The guy started getting worked up, my neighbour tried to walk down the beach to get the dogs to follow her and leave the couple alone, but then she saw that the guy was about to kick her dog so she stepped in between him and the dog (like the real hero she is, you go girl). He in return hit her in the face with his workout handle-bar-thing that he had. She got really scared and hurt and ran home. I actually saw her right after balling her eyes out on her way home. So her parents were furious and went up to his house and cursed him out and I know they went to the police about it, but I don’t know if they pressed charges. A while later this guy took her or her parents, I’m not sure about those details, to court for trespassing!! Let me put this clear for you. A man hit a 15 year old girl in the face and then takes her family to court for trespassing. Nuts right? I have loads more stories about him, maybe some other time I will tell some.



I’ll have a few good stories about my haunted house as well that I’m quite scared to tell because it stopped and I don’t want to put more focus on it in case it wants to start being haunted again! I went for good-bye drinks yesterday with my favourite American. I’ve only known Rachel for about a year, but we hit it off straight away and she’s one of my favourite people ever. I’m so happy for her that she gets to go home to her family, though.

Lost and found

Obsessed with this song already. The accent is the best part. The video makes me think they are joining the illuminati or something.

Meeeee

Meeeee

After I got to know Patrick I’ve become so much appreciative of Ireland. I lived here for 5 years before and I never knew who Michael Collins were. He is so patriotic it’s hard to not see his point of view. After that song came out I’m constantly going “clickity clickity clack clack clack clickity clickity clack clack clack”.

Soap Opera

Lately I feel like I’ve lived life like I’ve been in the main cast of a soap opera. Im sure that sounds weird, but I was texting Jenny the other day and told her about this girl I know who is so sly and been mean to me, tried her luck with Patrick while I was there, has ignored me on purpose (in public) when I’ve said hi, bitched about me behind my back and clearly doesn’t like me. I told Jenny about her recently because she requested to follow me on Instagram which I thought was so strange. Like, wtf is her agenda?! I’ve been nothing but nice to her and she’s made her efforts to freeze me out and make me feel crap. Jenny pointed out that she sounds like an evil side character in a soap opera, and that’s exactly the vibe she has!! It cracked me up so much when she said it and it had me thinking about all the other drama I’ve stumbled into recently that is (alarmingly) a lot like a soap opera plot.


The amount of people that’s tried to come in-between me and Patrick is unreal. Girls I don’t even know and that Patrick isn’t even close with has been rude and weird at parties and tried to be all over Patrick (I trust Patrick 100% so it’s hilarious to see them fail.) And people seem to have vendettas against me and I just don’t know why! Like, I have two neighbours down the road. I’ve been friends with them for years. It’s a little over a year ago that I went down there for drinks and they actually helped me out a lot when I moved house. They were amazing. I have tried to arrange to see them a few times, but it didn’t end up suiting any of us and recently I met them by chance down the road and I said “oh hey” all happy and only one of them responded with a short and stern “hi” and turned away. I said “how are you?” and she said “good” all short and they both looked away and kept walking. LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Let me point out that I have known them for years. But that’s just one good example and representation of so many little things that’s happened here recently. I feel like it’s a country side thing. Everyone is so concerned with what other people get up to. And it’s so soap opera-esque! I imagine that, on TV, the story would stop following me for a bit and the viewer would find out that she just found out that he cheated on her and there was a huge drama there that I wasn’t even aware of and I just got the short “hi” in the middle of their drama.


Never before have this many people tried to get in-between my relationships before. Lately I’ve had to learn to be cautious because people are fake, have agendas, try to get you to tell them things so they can start rumours and all that. I’m not used to that stuff at all. It’s waaaay too soap opera. All the scenarios I’ve used as examples have been about grown up people, by the way. Not teenagers or anything. And then a few of them still view my insta stories and creep on me on purpose afterwards. It’s so hard to wrap my head around why they would do that. One of my friends, Emer, gave me a fantastic advice. She gives people like that serial killer names or horror movie names. So now I do the same. I have one Nannie Doss (a serial killer that killed men with rat poison) and Creepy McCreeperson. It gives the whole situation a more bearable and comical narrative. I’ll just go “hey, there’s Nannie Doss again” and it’s easier to not take them so seriously.


Although I do rise above it all I have to say it’s been really hard to stay standing through it all considering my depression, anxiety and having very few people around me just the last year. It’s a lot easier to talk about now because I actually feel great and have made good, real friends. For a while I felt like every single person I met had some agenda with me instead of just being a nice friend. The thing I’ve told you about girls being all over Patrick in front of me has hurt because I don’t know why anyone wants to target us to come between us. But also I’ve never been hit on by so many inappropriate people who know perfectly well that me and Patrick are together and are happy. Usually guys who are friends with Patrick. I think that’s so fucked up.


Serious shoutout to the real ones. The OGs that have been with me through thick and thin. The ones that go with me to the toilet at parties, the one that gives me the harsh truths, the ones that comfort me when I cry, the ones that don’t judge me when I do something insanely stupid and date dumb guys, the ones that tries their best to make me look good in photos when I ask them to take one of me, the ones who remember what I tell them and send a random text to check in, the ones who listen to my long stories that I don’t realise I’m telling for the second time, the ones that critique my dumb outfits when they’re not on point, the ones that trust me with their embarrassing stories, the ones that make me laugh, the ones that inspire me endlessly with their strength. It’s become so clear who the real ones are. I have seriously never appreciated them more!!

It's been a hot minute

So the end of 2017 and all of 2018 didn’t go AT ALL like I expected it to. I didn't have many expectations to be honest, but no matter what they were, that wasn’t it! Life took me, involuntarily, on a rollercoaster ride. I don’t know how to describe this last year at all. It’s been a beautiful mess. I’m only starting to see the beauty now, before I’ve just seen the big mess and the pain. Now as the pain is ending, I recognise the pain as a good thing, but I wouldn’t re-live it if you paid me ten million euro.

I’ve renamed my blog to Stranded In Wexford. I didn’t use to be stranded here. I used to travel a lot and at least go to Norway and see my family, but I haven’t seen them in a year. A year!! And therefore I have accepted my fate and realised I’m actually stranded here. Currently with no travel plans or even a car or drivers license. Proper stranded, in the Irish country side.

My blog used to be called emilyeyra and you can read old posts about my travels. I love travelling and being a little stuck here is freaking me out, but I’m making the best of it. You can consider this blog a cry for help. Just kidding. It’s the complete opposite.

After what’s been the hardest year of my entire adult life I’m ready to start writing and blogging again. It’s been a hot minute. A lot has happened. I have struggled a lot, I’m not going to lie. I’m just starting to feel like myself again which is so nice. I mean, I’m starting to enjoy things I always used to enjoy again. I’ve come out on the other side, from the big mess. I’ve felt like an empty shell, but I’m starting to fill back up. I’m completely different. My whole world view has been shook and shifted and therefor my attitude has changed and I’m just different. Enjoying writing, music, my job and so on was something that I lost in the big, big mess. Finding joy in them again and seeing beauty is like seeing an old favourite and a very nurturing friend. It’s grounding and for so long I didn’t find joy in anything. Anything at all. Things I used to love and things that interested me felt and looked grey and uninteresting. To see myself come out on the other side and enjoying things again feels like a huge relief. I feel so much more at peace knowing I’m not empty anymore. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever feel like myself again. It felt like so long. Each day felt like forever and a year felt like a life time. I’m sure, by now you can guess that I’m referring to a depression. It’s hard not to turn cold, bitter and cynical, but I won’t. After having been pushed around a little by life I have a strong desire to speak my truth again. Find my voice and even be a little mean and push back.

Basically starting with this. I haven’t seen my loser parents in a year. I reached out and told them I was struggling and needed help, but they didn’t help. I needed them and I needed someone. They have both completed college and are fully educated yet somehow can’t afford to come and stay with me for free. Yep, calling you suckers out. I hope you read this.

I’d like to end this blog post with an excerpt from the book I’m currently reading.

in Greek the word for ‘the beautiful’ is to kalon. It’s related to the word kalein which includes the notion of ‘call’. When we experience beauty, we feel called. The Beautiful stirs passion and urgency in us and calls us forth from aloneness into the warmth and wonder of an eternal embrace. It unites us again with the neglected and forgotten grandeur of life. The call of beauty is not a cold call into the dark or the unknown; in some instinctive way we know that beauty is no stranger. We respond with joy to the call of beauty because in an instant it can awaken under the layers of the heart a forgotten brightness. Plato said: ‘Beauty was ours in all its brightness . . . Whole were we who celebrated that festival’ (Phaedrus)
— John O'Donohue, Divine Beauty: The Invisible Embrace

Oslo trip

Recently I had a very emotionally necessary and short trip back to Norway. There has been a lot of changes in my life recently and going back for a little bit seemed to be exactly what I needed! 

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I stayed for two nights with my dad and three nights with Jenny. Jenny always makes the prettiest breakfast tables so it had to be photographed, yet again. We spent the days hanging out  and going out in Oslo. We rewatched old episodes of New Girl and bitched about things needing bitching about and whatnot. It was awesome as it always is with my girl. 

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We went to a Christmas market in Oslo. It would have been so awesome if it had been snowing, but it didn't. Instead it was just slippery and insanely cold. That didn't stop us from having the best time obviously. In the end neither of us ended up buying anything or eating anything, but y'know, it was still fun and all!